Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
