i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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