As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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