Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
