I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
