Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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