It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
