If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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