She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
