Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
