Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
