her vagine was all disorganized.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
