tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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