I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
