My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
