I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
