Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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