I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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