You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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