Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
