it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well you can't waste a boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
