So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
