What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
