So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
