Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Couch. On fire.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
