I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
