So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
