pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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