if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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