Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
