He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
