i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had sex on a roof
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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