Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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