Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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