Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
