she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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