This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
