Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
