3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
