yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
