so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
