is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
