me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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