She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
