Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
