ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
