HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
