I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
