An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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