He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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