im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
