I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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