i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
