"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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