He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
