dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
