he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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