Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
