so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
where are you?
Hypothermia
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
