Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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