Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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