you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
