i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
