The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
