if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
