I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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