I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
