Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
