he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
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My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize