either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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